Monday, September 12, 2011

Yada yada and some blah blah blah :)

So Mya and I started the C25K today.... I must admit I had to cut the jogging to 30 second after the first two 60 second sessions. I think it will get easier and it FINALLY dropped below 100 degrees and was breezy here in Phoenix this evening!!!! I hope fall is coming!  And that I can become a runner :)

I have not been in the best mood lately.  I am not sure what the cause.  I think that in my "real life" I may feel unsupported about this lap band decision.  I think that people are supportive but they don't understand.  Hell, only two on my "real life" friends know about my blog. Not even my BFF.... she knows about the surgery but not about the Blog.  This leads me to wonder why I am so secretive, why I don't want to share.  I think it basically comes down to the fact that I don't want to be judged.  I am scared, I want everyone to like me, I want to be accepted.  This odd because I think for the most part I am accepted, liked and so on.  In most of my relationships, I am the supporter, the listener, the fixer.  I am everyone's "best friend".  But I have no clue how to open up and let people in.  I absolutely hate talking about myself. What all this is leading too is that i feel alone in this journey.  My husband is not in super supportive mood either... he doesn't read my blog which makes me sad in a way.

Everybody judges in there own way, how much have you lost, you look good, you don't see a difference..... What happens if I stop losing then what will people think?  I did this for nothing?

Anyway, I want to snack - not b/c there is room in my stomach for it but because I am stressed.  Life is so busy, work is horrible and I used to deal with that by eating.....  Now, I could deal with it by talking but it takes a lot for me to talk to anyone about my feelings.  Urgh!

My weekend my uneventful.  My little one had a busy social calendar as usual :) Makes me happy.  9/11 is always a hard day.  I can't believe it was 10 years ago already!  I will never forget!! The munchkin was ready for football watching with dad:
Lets go Cardinals :)

And I figured I would give you a pic of our lazy boxer Marcus!!!

Have a great week all!! :)


  1. Hi There, so glad to see a AZ bandster out there. I really look forward to keeping in touch!

  2. Keep blogging all these feelings WILL help because we 'get it'...and FYI, even after all this, my DH still doesn't really get it, but he's never had any food or weight issues.

  3. It is great that you can get these feeling out in writing about them in your blog. That is a very good thing. You are not eating, you are expressing the emotions. I am glad to see you can. It is not so much about who knows or doesn't know everyone is different in how they approach this journey. The most important part is that you stay true to YOU and accountable to YOU!

    Keep up the great job you are already doing!

  4. Writing is great therapy. I also keep a journal where I hand write and sometimes I just open it up and everything starts pouring out. I will never share that journal, but it helps to let it out.
    Keep blogging- we get you.
    Also, love Marcus! I have two boxers too.

  5. It's difficult when you decide not to tell a lot of people around you because you don't get the benefit of their support...on the flip side, you also don't get their questions about how much you've lost and what your eating so it's kind of a wash.

    Like Robyn said, writing is great therapy and here in blogland you have a community of people who know what you're going through and can understand when you are struggling. Believe me, that helps a lot!

    You're doing a great job...keep it up!!

  6. Writing things out helps me to sort out my head. Very few folks around me know about my blog, and I'm ok with that. Like having a journal, I find that I write for me.. The added bonus of the tremendous support from this community is greater than I ever imagined - because like Band Groupie said, "we get it"..

    Love the pictures of Munchkin and Marcus!

  7. You are not alone! Just look at all the friends you've made in Blogland. I know it's not the same as having real life support though. But we're in the same city! If you ever want to meet and grab a meal or coffee to vent or talk or just get to know eachother, email me. I'm clickable!

  8. Thanks for the comment on my blog! My BFF reads my blog but she works at losing weight too. My daughter reads it too, which stops me sometimes from posting some things. I couldn't imagine my hubby reading this. I don't think he would really understand our need to vent and write and bitch and complain. Which we do all the time. Hoping some positivity comes your way soon. Just clicking the Follow button now.

  9. I don't want most of my friends reading my blog, it's a diary of sorts! Plus, I talk about them sometimes! ;)

    And men don't care about this sort of thing, why do you think it's all women in blogland except for maybe 3-4 men.

  10. I'm looking to have a little get together of a few local lap band ladies that I've met online at my place in October. Now that all of the post op drama is settling, I'm feeling like I really want to get together. I haven't told many people either, and I think it is starting to bother me. Hang in there!

  11. Sorry you're feeling a bit of the blues-- but there is lots of sharing online and we are real people-- just writing over the internet. If you don't or can't access support in your every day life, c'mon here anytime and there are tons of folks listening and ready to chime in and help.
    Congrats on your band... I'll be watching!

  12. Gotta love the lazy boxer! I have one too! BTW- I haven't let any of my friends besides Lap Band Gal know about my blog either. It takes a while to get used to sharing your feelings so publicly. I figure after a while I will let them know about it. However, I anticipate once I do let them know I will get a lot of "Oh I didn't know it was so hard for you. How can I be more supportive?" That is what I am hoping for though :) Keep it going, it will get better.